When Clarity Doesn't Come: An Intern's Perspective

Aug 02, 2022

Two years ago, I dreamed of graduating high school early and taking a gap year before college. And what would I do in this gap year? Well, I couldn’t think of a better time to see if the missions world would be up my alley. I have often desired to go overseas, and this gap year was a perfect opportunity to test whether that desire was realistic. No dependents, no school, no job… freedom! The world was my oyster. 

I planned to work at a law firm and then head overseas for three months with another organization. The proposed goal of the trip? To gain clarity regarding missions. However, no clarity seemed to come, as the trip was canceled three times due to COVID-19, each time bringing tears and more confusion than before.

 

With the second cancellation, the organization started offering other opportunities to engage in the missions realm, including Missionary Training School at Global Frontier Missions. Five months away from home seemed daunting at that point, and I still held out hope that Covid would be over soon enough. I was wrong! The third cancellation hit me while I was on spring break with my family. That time they offered the option to complete an internship with GFM during the summer. The time left on my gap year was dwindling, but I still had a strong drive to gain clarity on my place in missions. So, when the opportunity to intern with GFM arose, I reluctantly agreed, still disappointed about the cancellations I had endured.

 

Boy, am I glad I agreed!

I spent last summer in the Georgia heat with several other interns who quickly became very close friends. I have since traveled far to see them again and talk with them often.

While in the internship, we got to wrestle together. We wrestled through what it means to work in ministry, when the facets of your spiritual and work life flow together and the lines are blurred between obligation and faith. We wrestled through the Great Commission, and how it looks to surrender to God’s call, while still waiting on His guidance. We wrestled through a lot of emotions and joys and wandered around the aisles of the international market together. We ate new foods and got temporary henna tattoos and learned in the classroom about evangelism and spiritual disciplines. Some of us learned how to enter homes and engage with refugees through the language barrier; others tutored kids and played in the sun for hours on end. 

Global Frontier Missions gave us the tools and space to wrestle . We got to learn from the staff, and ask hard questions, and glean from their experiences around the world. We got to see what it looks like to be faithful, no matter where we are, at home or abroad. So if I could describe the internship in one word, it would be wrestling.

I will always thank God for allowing me to learn at GFM, surrounded by sweet mentors and friends. And I will always thank GFM for giving me the space to ask hard questions and seek the truth.

It seems that the wrestling followed me, especially surrounding my place in missions. GFM never guaranteed clarity. But overtime, the things I learned permeated the rest of my life and my thinking. As I went off to college, I got to test these things against my daily life. And I still wrestle, even as I sit here in Georgia with GFM for a second summer. But I know that I have people who love Jesus sitting right next to me, wrestling with me, and fighting for me!

Through GFM’s internship program, I learned to trust God when clarity never came. It is a lesson I will cherish and lean on and relearn for the rest of my life. But I am thankful that it happened in Georgia during the summer of 2021.

Written by: Hannah R.

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